What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Can I see some anal hole?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

I said to her

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Why is the show The Big Bang Theory so hated?

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I have no regrets .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

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I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

What did i know ?

What is the dirtiest thing you have allowed your husband to do?

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

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Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Why don't people like Nickelback?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Why did McLaren hope that the Ferrari pair would pit twice during the Italian Grand Prix?

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

As i do to all so called friends.?

Why do some people believe that Homelander would be no match for Superman or Thor?

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

What are the causes of over sweating?

Im still living with it.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

She was in good health!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I waited trembling.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

So whats the point in blame.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I never cut or harmed myself..

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

This is soul school!.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Would this be the day?

But, we were locked up after school.

She loved him until the end.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

When she asked me how she looked .

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I don,t even have a pension.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

My family never makes their pension either.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Why did i forgive my father ?

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

I was seconnd youngest,

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

But ive been too sick for many years..

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I write beautiful poetry .

I could never make a relationship work though!

She found it foreign!.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I couldn’t, believe it.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

So, i spoilt her more .

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

One cannot live in the past .

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

All the time i was locked up.

Ive learnt so much.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

My life is so biszare .

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

But it wasn’t much.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I was scared of men, in general

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Put me off passion for life!!

I think the readers, may guess!

Comes on , in middle age.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Was to survive, this bastard.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He knew the spot.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I will be 64.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

He resisted the act ,that day.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

It was going to be , some day.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

She wouldn,t have been !

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I was 9 years of age.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

And i lived it daily.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I was very sick at this time too.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

We all went to grammer schools

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Who then, do I blame.?

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Especially a lifetime of it.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

We were not on the streets..

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

(And it was in our own minds.)

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

She married twice! .

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?